Who am I?
Every living being longs always to be happy untainted by sorrow;
and everyone has the greatest love for himself, which is solely
due to the fact that happiness is his real nature. Hence, in order
to realize that inherent and untainted happiness, which indeed
he daily experiences when the mind is subdued in deep sleep,
it is essential that he should know himself. For obtaining such knowledge the
enquiry, ‘Who am I?’ in quest of the Self is the
means par excellence.
‘Who am I?’ I am not this physical body,
nor am I the five organs of sense perception.
I am not the five organs of external activity.
I am not the five vital forces.
I am not even the thinking mind. Neither am I that unconscious
state of nescience, which retains merely the subtle Vasanas
being then free from Therefore, summarily rejecting all the above mentioned
physical adjuncts and their functions, saying "I am not this; no, nor am I
this, nor this that which then remains separate and alone by
itself, that pure awareness verily am I. This awareness is by its
very nature Sat-Chit-Ananda.
If the mind, which is the instrument of knowledge and is the
basis of all activity, subsides, the perception of the world as an objective
reality ceases. Unless the illusory perception of the
serpent in the rope ceases, the rope on which the illusion is
formed is not perceived as such. Even so, unless the illusory
nature of the perception of the world as an objective reality
ceases, the vision of the true nature of the Self, on which the
illusion is formed, is not obtained.
The mind is a unique power (shakti) in the Atman (Self), whereby
thoughts occur to oneself. On scrutiny as to what remains after eliminating all
thoughts, it will be found that there is no such thing
as mind apart from thought. So then, thoughts themselves
constitute the mind.
Nor is there any such thing as the physical world apart from
independent thought. In deep sleep there are no thoughts in the awakend states
thoughts are present,
Just as the spider draws out the thread of the cobweb from
within itself and withdraws it again into itself, even so out of
itself the mind projects the world and absorbs it back into itself.
The world is perceived as an apparent objective reality when
the mind is externalized thereby forsaking its identity with the
Self. When the world is thus perceived, the true nature of the
Self is not revealed. Conversely, when the Self is realized, the
world ceases to appear as an objective reality.
By a steady and continuous investigation into the nature of the
mind, the mind is transformed into That to which the ‘I’ refers;
and that is verily the Self. Mind has necessarily to depend for
its existence on something gross; it never subsists by itself. It
is this mind that is otherwise called the subtle body, the ego,
the jiva or soul (individual soul).
That which arises in the physical body as ‘I’ is the mind. If one
enquires whence the ‘I’-thought in the body arises in the first instance, it
will be found that it is Hrdayam or the Heart.
That (Hrdayam or Heart) is the source and stay of the mind. Or again,
even if one merely but continuously repeats inwardly
‘I – I’ with the entire mind fixed thereon, that also leads one to
the same source.
The first and foremost of all the thoughts that arise in the mind
is the primal ‘I’-thought. It is only after the rise or origin of the
‘I’-thought that innumerable other thoughts arise. In other words,
only after the first personal pronoun, ‘I’, has arisen, do the
second and third personal pronouns (you, he, etc.) occur to the
mind; and they cannot subsist without the former.
Since every other thought can occur only after the rise of the
‘I’-thought and since the mind is nothing but a bundle of thoughts,
it is only through the enquiry ‘Who am I?’ that the mind subsides. Moreover, the
integral ‘I’-thought, implicit in such enquiry, having destroyed all other
thoughts, gets itself finally destroyed or consumed, even like the stick used
for stirring the burning
funeral pyre gets consumed.
Even when extraneous thoughts sprout up during such enquiry,
do not seek to complete the rising thought, but instead, deeply enquire within,
‘To whom has this thought occurred?’ No matter
how many thoughts thus occur to you, if you would with acute vigilance enquire
immediately as and when each individual
thought arises as to whom it has occurred, you would find it is
to ‘me.’ If then, you enquire ‘Who am I?’ the mind gets
introverted and the rising thought also subsides. In this manner
as you persevere more and more in the practice of Self-enquiry,
the mind acquires increasing strength and power to abide in its source.
It is only when the subtle mind is externalized through the
activity of the intellect and the sense-organs that gross name
and form constituting the world appear. When, on the other hand,
the mind stays and abides in the Heart, they (name and form) recede and
disappear. Restraint of the out-going mind and its absorption in the Heart is
known as introversion .
. The release of the mind and its emergence from the
Heart is known as Bahirmukha-drishti (objeciveness).
If in this manner the mind becomes absorbed in the Heart, the
ego or the ‘I’, which is the centre of the multitude of thoughts,
finally vanishes and pure Consciousness or Self, which subsists during all the
states of the mind, alone remains resplendent. It
is this state, where there is not the slightest trace of the
‘I’-thought, that is the true Being of oneself. And that is called quiescence or
Mouna.
This state of mere inherence in pure Being is known as the
vision of wisdom. Such inherence means and implies the
entire subsidence of the mind in the Self. Anything other than
this and all psychic powers of the mind, such as thought-
reading, telepathy and clairvoyance, cannot be wisdom.
Atma (atman) alone exists and is real. The world, the individual
soul and God are, like the illusory appearance of silver in the
mother of pearl, imaginary creations in the Atma. They appear
and disappear simultaneously. Verily, the Self alone is the world,
the ‘I’ and God. All that exists is but the manifestation of the Supreme.
For the subsidence of mind there is no other means more
effective and adequate than self-enquiry. Even though by other means the mind
subsides, that is only apparently so; it will rise again.
For instance, the mind subsides by the practice of pranayama
(restraint and control of breath and vital forces); yet such
subsidence lasts only as long as the control of breath and vital
forces continues; and when they are released, the mind also
gets released, and immediately becoming externalized it
wearily wanders through the force of its subtle tendencies.
The source of the mind on the one hand, and of breath and vital
forces on the other, is one and the same. It is really the
multitudes of thoughts that constitute the mind; and the
‘I’-thought is the primal thought of the mind, and that itself is the
ego. Now, breath too has its origin at the same place whence
the ego rises. Therefore, when the mind subsides, breath and
vital forces also subside; and conversely, when the latter
subside, the former also subsides.
Breath and vital forces are also described as the gross manifestation
of the mind. Till the hour of death the mind
sustains and supports these forces in the physical body, and
when life becomes extinct, the mind envelopes and carries
them away. During sleep, however, the vital forces continue to function,
although the mind is not manifest. This is according to
the divine law and is intended to protect the body and to r
emove any possible doubt as to whether it is dead or alive
while one is asleep. Without such arrangement by nature,
sleeping bodies would often be cremated alive. The vitality
apparent in breathing is left behind by the mind as a
‘watchman’. But in the wakeful state and in samadhi, when
the mind subsides, prana (Vital force) also subsides. For this
reason (viz., that the mind has the sustaining and controlling
power over breath and vital forces and is therefore ulterior to
both of them), the practice of pranayama is merely helpful in subduing the mind
but cannot bring about its final extinction.
Even like pranayama, Murti-Dhyana (meditation on form),
Mantra or Nama-Japa (repetition of sacred syllables or of
names of deities), and the regulation of diet, are only aids to
control the mind. Through the practice of Dhyana or Japa the
mind becomes one-pointed. Just as the elephant’s trunk, which
is otherwise restless, will become steady if it is made to hold
an iron chain- so that the elephant walks (goes) his way without reaching out
any other object- even so the ever-restless mind,
which is trained and accustomed to a name or form through
Dhyana or Japa, will steadily hold on to that alone.
When the mind is split up and dissipated into countless and
varying thoughts, each individual thought becomes extremely
weak and inefficient. When, on the contrary, such thoughts
subside more and more till they finally get destroyed, the mind becomes
one-pointed, and thereby acquiring strength and sustaining power, easily reaches
perfection in the method of
enquiry in quest of the Self.
Regulation of diet, restricting it to Satvic food (i.e. simple and
nutritious food that sustains but does not stimulate the physical body), taken
in moderate quantity, is of all the rules of conduct
the best; and it is most conducive to the development of the
satvic qualities of the mind.
Satvic qualities: Purity, Self-restraint, evenness of
temper, tenderness towards all beings, fortitude, freedom from desire, freedom
from hatred and arrogance are the outstanding virtues of the satvic mind.
These satvic qualities in their turn, assist one in the practice
of Atmavichara or enquiry in quest of the Self.
Countless Vishaya-Vasanas (subtle tendencies of the mind in relation
to objects of sense-gratification), that come one after
the other in quick succession like the waves of the ocean,
agitate the mind. Nevertheless, they too subside and finally get destroyed with
progressive practice of Atmadhyana or
meditation on the Self. Without giving room even to the thought which occurs in
the form of doubt, whether it is possible to stay merely as the very Self,
whether all the Vasanas can be
destroyed, one should firmly and unceasingly carry on
meditation on the Self.
However sinful a person may be, if he would stop wailing
inconsolably, ‘Alas! I am a sinner, how shall I attain salvation?’
and casting away even the thought that he is a sinner, if he
would zealously carry on meditation on the Self, he would most assuredly get
reformed.
So long as Vishaya-Vasanas (subtle tendencies of the mind in relation
to objects of sense-gratification) continue to inhere in
the mind, it is necessary to carry on the enquiry, ‘Who am I?’
As and when thoughts occur, they should, one and all, be
annihilated then and there, at the very place of their origin, by
the method of enquiry in quest of the Self.
Not to desire anything extraneous to oneself constitutes
Vairagya (dispassion) or Nirasa (desirelessness). Not to give
up one’s hold on the Self constitutes Jnana (Knowledge). But
really Vairagya and Jnana are one and the same. Just as the pearl-diver, tying
stones to his waist, dives down into the
depths, and gets the pearl from the sea bed, even so every
aspirant, pledged to Vairagya can dive deep into himself and
realise the precious Atman. If the earnest seeker would only
cultivate the constant and deep contemplative ‘remembrance’
smrti) of the true nature of the Self till he has realised it, that
alone would suffice. Distracting thoughts are like the enemy in
the fortress. As long as they are in possession of it, they will
certainly sally forth. But if you would, as and when they come
out, put them to the sword, the fortress will finally be captured.
God and the Guru (Master or teacher) are not really different:
they are identical. He that has earned the grace of the Guru
shall undoubtedly be saved and never forsaken, just as the prey
that has fallen into the tiger’s jaws will never be allowed to
escape. But the disciple, for his part, should unswervingly follow
the path shown by the Master.
Firm and disciplined inherence in the Atman (Atmanishtha),
without giving the least scope for the rise of any thought other
than the deep contemplative thought of the Self, does verily constitute
self-surrender to the Supreme Lord. Let any amount
of burden be laid on Him. He doth bear it all. It is, in fact,
indefinable power of the Lord that ordains, sustains and controls everything
that happens. Why then, should we languish
tormented by vexatious thought, saying ‘This wise (way) to act;
but no, that way ……..’, instead of meekly but happily submitting ourselves to
that power? Knowing full well that the train carries
all the weight, why indeed should we, the passengers travelling
in it, carry the small individual articles of luggage on our laps to
our great discomfort, instead of putting them aside and sitting
at perfect ease?
That which is Bliss is verily the Self. Bliss and the Self are not
distinct and separate but are one and identical. And That alone
is real. Not even in one of the countless objects of the mundane world is there
anything that can be called happiness. It is through sheer ignorance and
unwisdom we fancy that happiness is
obtained from them. On the contrary, when the mind is
externalized, it suffers pain and anguish. The truth is that every
time our desires get fulfilled, the mind turning to its source experiences only
that happiness which is natural to the Self. Similarly, in deep sleep, in
spiritual trance (samadhi), in a state
of swoon etc., when the desired object is obtained or when evil befalls an
object considered undesirable, the mind turns within
and enjoys that Bliss of Atman. In this manner, wandering astray forsaking the
Self and returning back again to it within, is the interminable and wearisome
lot of the mind.
It is pleasant under the shade of a tree; scorching is the heat of
the sun without. A person toiling in the sun seeks the cool shade
of the tree and is happy under it. Staying there for a while, he
moves about, but unable to bear the merciless heat of the sun,
he seeks the shade again. In this way, he moves, going out
from the shade into the sun, and coming into the shade from
the sun without.
He that acts in this manner is the unwise one. Whereas the
wise one never leaves the shade. Even so the mind of the enlightened sage (Jnani)
never exists apart from Brahman,
the Absolute. The mind of the ignorant one, on the other hand, entering into the
phenomenal world, suffers pain and anguish,
and then turning for a short while towards Brahman, it
experiences happiness.
Such is the mind of the ignorant one.
This phenomenal world, however, is nothing but thought. When
the world recedes from one’s view - that is when free from
thought- the mind enjoys the Bliss of the Self. Conversely, when
the world appears – that is when thought occurs- the mind experiences pain and
anguish.
Not from any desire, resolve or effort on the part of the rising
sun, but merely due to the presence of his rays, the lens emits
heat, the lotus blossoms, water evaporates and the individuals
in society take up their respective avocations in life. In the
proximity of the magnet the needle moves. Even so, the soul or
jiva (individual soul), subjected to the three-fold activity of
creation, preservation and destruction that take place merely
due to the unique presence of the Supreme Lord, performs
acts in accordance with its Karma, and subsides to rest after
such activity.
[Note: Karma i.e., the fruits of past actions which are being
worked out in present life.]
But the Lord Himself has no resolve. No act or event touches
even the fringe of His being. This state of immaculate aloofness
is likened unto that of the sun who is untouched by the activities
of life, or unto that of the all-pervasive space, which is not
affected by the interaction of the complex qualities of the other
four elements.
All scriptures without any exception proclaim that for attaining
salvation mind should be subdued, and having known that
control of mind is their final conclusion, it is futile to make an interminable
study of the scriptures. What is required for such
control is actual enquiry regarding oneself by self-interrogation
‘Who am I?’ How then can this enquiry in quest of the Self be
made merely by means of a study of the scriptures?
One should realise the Self by the eye of wisdom. Does Rama
need a mirror that he may recognise himself as Rama? That to which the ‘I’
refers is within the five sheaths, whereas the
scriptures are outside them.
The five sheaths are the physical, vital, mental, sheath of
knowledge-experience and of Bliss.
Therefore, to seek by means of the study of scriptures, the Self,
that has to be realised by summarily rejecting even the five
sheaths, would only be futile.
To enquire ‘Who am I that is in bondage?’ and to know one’s
real nature is alone liberation. To keep the mind constantly
turned within and to abide thus in the Self, is alone Atma-
Vichara (self-enquiry), whereas Dhyana (meditation) consists
in fervent contemplation of the Self as Sat-Chit-Ananda
(Existence-Consciousness-Bliss). Indeed, at sometime, one
will have to forget everything that has been learnt.
Just as it is futile to examine the rubbish that has to be swept
up only to be thrown away, even so it is futile for him who seeks
to know the Self, if instead of casting away the Tattvas that
envelope the Self, he sets himself to enumerate them or to
examine their qualities.
Tattvas are the elements into which phenomenal
existence- from the subtle mind up to the gross matter-is
classified.
He should on the other hand, consider the phenomenal world
with reference to himself as merely a dream.
Except that the wakeful state is long and the dream state is
short, there is no other difference between the two. All the
activities of the dream state appear, for the time being, just as
real as the activities of the wakeful state seem to be while
awake. Only, during the dream state the mind assumes another
form or a different bodily sheath. For, thoughts on the one hand,
and name and form on the other, occur simultaneously during
both the wakeful and dream states.
There are not two minds, one good and the other evil. It is only
the Vasanas or tendencies of the mind that are of two kinds,
good and favourable, evil and unfavourable. When the mind is associated with the
former, it is called good, and when
associated with the latter, it is called evil. However evil-minded
other people may appear to you, it is not proper to hate or
despise them. Likes and dislikes, love and hatred are equally
to be eschewed. It is also not proper to let the mind often rest
on objects or affairs of mundane life. As far as possible one
should not interfere in the affairs of others. Everything offered
to others is really an offering to one self; and if only this truth is realised,
who is there that would refuse anything to others?
If the ego rises, all else will also rise; if it subsides, all else
will
also subside. The deeper the humility with which we conduct ourselves, the
better it is for us. If only the mind is kept under
control, what does it matter where one may happen to be? |
